I Can't Believe Harry Potter's a Demon
by Sweet Kagamine Kiss
Summary: So Lightning and Etna mind their own business when suddenly they are drawn from the Netherworld to the Human World, surrounded by humans capable of magic. Yeah. Who knows what will happen next...
1. Chapter 1

**I Can't Believe Harry Potter's a Demon**

**Disclaimer:** The characters, world, and all things Disgaea is copyrighted to Nippon Ichi Software, Atlus USA, Inc., NIS America/Europe, and Square Enix. The world and all characters and things Harry Potter is copyrighted to author J.K Rowling. I don't own anything else mentioned in a crossover from anime/manga, video games, TV shows, music, movies, comics, and etcetera. All I own is any original characters in the Disgaea style of vassal creations, and this idea of a crossover story.

**Author's Note:** This is after reading a really awesome Disgaea/Harry Potter story on this whole website that has not been abandoned, and was finished completely. This is more humor than anything else and a light bashing of Dumbledore and his entourage. But mainly, it's supposed to be funny with a side of perversion, exploding Prinnies, and a reincarnated Lily Potter as a Prinny.

* * *

A young looking male stands on a cliff. He wears a black hakama with short plated steel red boots with dual armored belts, long black gloves that reach to his elbows with red crystal bracelets, fishnet shirt, and a sleeveless black haori; the top portion of the silk haori is crafted of reinforced red leather and blue-grey steel. He has shoulder-length dark hair in semi gravity-defying locks with three long zigzags of white streaks which sway in the wind, partly hiding his vivid green eyes. He has a scarred marking on his face which is X-shaped, the center of the scar positioned on the bridge of the nose, and a second smaller one shaped like a jagged lightning bolt partially hidden by his hair on the temple of the forehead. A purple katana is somehow strapped to his back without any straps or sword sheaths.

His long pointed ears twitch a bit to footsteps coming from his right. His eyes trail over to a girl with similar lengthened pointed ears. She wears a black leather tube top and mini-skirt with knee-high boots and a choker with a silver skull on it. Her hair was maroon, held in two unkempt pigtails that splayed out. She has two short bat wings on her back, and a tail twitches behind her. Her choice of weapon was a long iron spear capable of transforming into an axe. These two demons of 1400+ and 1500+ age have been very bored as of late and left to go out and just cause some chaos in the form of finding weak demons to, in internet speak, "PWN DOWN!"... Either that or play a game of Prinny Football, and Etna didn't feel like playing Prinny Football. Laharl would bitch at them for causing a ruckus and waking him up from his naps.

"Etna, my love... you took your sweet time."

She smiles seductively. "I had fun teasing my share of enemies, Lightning."

Lightning smirked.

"So, Etna... now what do we do?"

"We could screw around and scare the kids again with the moans and creaking bed?"

Lightning grins at the rather adult suggestion. But, before the loving couple could go about and disappear and scare everyone with their "activities", a portal appears and they are summoned out of the Netherworld.

... What the hell just happened?

=0=0=0=

Well, what the hell had happened was in the Human World, in the country known as England, there was a home that was hidden from the other humans. Inside this house was a group of "special humans" that had the ability to use mana. Collectively, they are wizards and witches. The year in this world is 1996. There is an evil wizard who calls himself Lord Voldemort, and his name was so terrifying the other magic users of this hidden society of magic practitioners are so frightened to even utter it in a whisper.

In 1982, a too forceful smack to silence a crying baby killed infant Harry Potter. The perpetrator, Vernon Dursley, was hanged for his dark crimes when a snooping neighbor snooped about and in their garbage for some reason. Yeah. The soul of Harry got dragged into the Netherworld because of this malignant evil soul fragment latched to his mortal body. The fragment got stuck in Limbo, and Harry's soul now in the Netherworld would eventually grow up to become the Magic Demon Swordsman, Lightning, alongside his only friend in the Netherworld, Etna.

Time differs from realm to realm, of course. For the hundreds of years Harry/Lightning had been in the Netherworld, in the Human World, the death of Harry Potter would destroy the confidence of many, especially when Voldemort had resurrected himself in 1994 and would be undefeated since the only person who CAN defeat the Dark Lord, according to some crackpot prophecy, was dead. The Order of the Phoenix has had so much trouble trying to fight off the Dark Lord, and many still believed it was Harry Potter's fault for not living. Yeah. That's the majority who were the sheep.

The Order finally conceited into doing something very drastic: summoning a demon and sending it to kill the Dark Lord. Thus, we come to right now. The flash of unholy light faded, and the runes that were drawn into the living room floor burned themselves from existence, leaving behind a bare wood floor. In what was once a runic circle for a summoning ritual, were two figures that looked to be young teenagers surrounded by the slowly fading smoke. They looked like teenagers, but with long pointed ears and one of them sporting black bat wings and a long heart-tipped tail.

"Where the fuck are we, Etna?"

"We got summoned." And the female voice took on an annoyed tone, "By humans, no less."

The smoke finally cleared enough. Yeah, that's what the Order of the Phoenix were greeted with after a successful summoning... two teens with pointed ears and the girl had wings and a tail.

The boy's voice turned to mild disgust. "Great..."

The humans all wore similar common things: robes and each had various different sticks pointed at them.

"I doubt humans could even use magic in most realms, but apparently they can here. I can feel that familiar pull of magical energy. What the hell do you people want? Do you even have any idea how dangerous it is to summon powerful demons?"

"We are prepared," said the old man with the long beard and the rather colorful robes he wore. The batty old man must be color-blind. No respecting demon, monster, and humanoid in the Netherworld would be caught dead in such brightly colorful garbs. If bright colors were used, it followed a tone that mixed bright with dark/white. Not this eyesore with... are those stars and moons TWINKLING?

"Prepared? Yeah right. You must be senile to wear such colorful clothing, old man," Lightning scoffed.

The two tried to leave via one of Lightning's special Teleport Crystals, however nothing happened. Yes the diamond-shaped crystal let out its glow signaling it activated, but it vanished without taking its two passengers.

"What the fuck?" Etna yelled. "Lightning!"

"Something's blocking us!" He yells back at her.

"As I said, we are prepared. You were summoned to serve us and when you have finished your task, you will be banished back to whence you came," said the old man with the colorful robes.

The two demons glare at the old man. Then Lightning sighed roughly, brushing back his hair from his eyes. In this instance, it revealed his lightning bolt scar on his temple before the hair partly covers it again. But those that saw this scar (other than the X-shaped one) were now silent as death itself.

"Well, now what, Lightning?" Etna asks her lover.

"We do what the hell they want, and then we leave when we're free from this stupid service. Damn humans," he mutters in the end.

"Shit..."

If Lightning knew anything about demon summoning, having done studies into it in the past, Etna knew the boy would have some ideas of what this summoning was to entail. As if sensing her thoughts, Lightning speaks up.

"Since we got summoned and they are indeed prepared... we are tasked with a mission of sorts. And it has to do with this."

The preparation the old man spoke of is a seal that binds them to their service, which forms from the runes that weren't on their wrists minutes ago. The symbol in question was that of a skull with a snake-like fiend slithering through the skull's opening and around it. It looked rather tacky...

"What a tacky design," Etna comments on the symbol.

"So, who are we to kill?"

Dumbledore blinked. "You are to defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort." The old man ignored how everyone around him flinches at the name of the evil wizard.

Etna merely raised an eyebrow at how the old man's comrades flinch at a person's name.

"Voldemort?" Insert flinches by all but Dumbledore and the two demons. "Sounds like a gay name," she said.

Lightning laughs. "I agree. Sounds like a name some petulant child created to make himself feel superior. I'm ashamed to even speak that name with my tongue. I feel dirty for some reason."

"We can take a shower and I'll wash away all the grime from you," Etna whispers seductively.

"Maybe after we finish with this little mission forced on us, Etna... I'll make sure this Volde-dude person is killed or my name isn't Harry Potter."

"That WAS your name before you changed it to Lightning," Etna said.

Harry Potter was Lightning's human name before turning into a demon, in part to some strange soul fragment riddled with enough sins that it would drag a pure soul like Lightning's down with it. In a sense, Lightning would be a fallen angel-type demon; never given a chance to go to Celestia, or Heaven, whatever you wanna call it. Magic Demon Swordsman Harry Potter for some reason doesn't inspire fear into lesser fiends or vassals. Magic Demon Swordsman Lightning on the other hand sounds like a fancier title. That and Lightning literally can control electricity at his whims.

"Yeah well changing it to something more awesome was the intention when I was six hundred years old," he retorted, both demons unaware of the shit storm they had just stirred up mentioning the name Harry Potter.

"Yeah, and the first five hundred years you went by a human name like Harry Potter. The jokes I could make with your old name," she giggles, making Lightning give a deadpan expression.

"Shut up, Etna."

She merely gives Lightning the middle finger.

Lightning draws his blade in an instant, and deflects a spell fired by a human who looked positively enraged.

"How dare you!"

"Sirius, enough!" the old man shouts, releasing his mana aura. An intimidation tactic if anything else; useful to also get your vassals under control...

"Hm? Now what's the matter with you scruffy?" Lightning sneers at this point. "Something tells me my old name has some meaning to you. But I know that I've never known you before in all my fifteen hundred years of living."

"Maybe it's another person. Harry IS a rather common mundane name, Lightning," says Etna, explaining simple logic.

The blade is sheathed away. "Yeah, maybe you're right." Lightning looks at the runes and the bracelet made of spokes, before releasing the hold that allowed the magic to be visible; this has the display of the target vanish from his palm. He glances at Etna once more. "So... What do you want to do?"

"Do whatever these idiots want then we can go back home. Besides, knowing Laharl, the twerp will start looking for us when Flonne discovers us missing... and complain about why we disappeared again."

Lightning pulls out from his personal mallet space some music peripherals such as a Boom Box/CD Player. "Sounds about right... She's always hyper when it comes to the power of friendship and stuff like that... I swear it's like she's got that crap from watching _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_."

"I wonder how Discord is. It's been awhile since he dropped by unannounced."

Yes, apparently in some weird way, the cartoon show has a living, breathing, actual existence of Equestria in one of the many alternative universes amongst the expanding multiverse. And well, as a God of Chaos, Discord's just that damn cool.

So, it's been accepted some humans that can perform mage arts have summoned them and binded them to do a task which was to destroy some evil wannabe Overlord bad-guy. Etna found this to be in distaste but at the moment, she was bored out of her mind. So, being on Earth (or an Earth where that human guy named Gordon with the busty chick and talking robot did not reside at), they had nothing better to do except look for this so-called Dark Lord Voldemort.

Lightning found it extremely ironic that these people had so much power with these mage skills of theirs, and yet the mention of the wizard's name had all of them but the old man to flinch in fear. What pussies. The name Voldemort sounded so gay. But if Etna found all of this crap to be a waste of her time she is likely to go on a minor temper tantrum that involves tons of property damage.

At least the old man was giving them a comfortable room to use as a temporary place to live in while they were summoned to perform their little task as indicated by the binding runes on their wrists. Said room had been reorganized. Everything that pre-furbished the room had been thrown out or sent flying down the stairs (literally, in fact) and refurbished with their own bed, couches, desk, as well as a rack filled with various weapons located within a special cabinet.

And said room had its door shut, and for the past ten minutes since the redecoration, foreign music (at least to the magicals) can be heard blaring very loudly. Lightning cranked the volume up a bit louder.

"Just love this song..."

Etna laughs.

_I'm on a quest of which I know that I can never fail  
I will prevail  
Even though there may be many foes stalking my trail  
I'm in love  
Weak at the knees and yeah I'm growing pale  
Only one thing left to do  
Touch Fluffy Tail_

=0=0=0=0=

The very next morning, there was a scream and that had every adult that spent the night at the Ancestral and Ancient House of Black rushing to the source. Molly was pointing her wand at... blue penguins with peg legs and wearing pouches on their fronts with short little devil wings. These cartoonish-looking creatures ignored the chaos they had just created by being in the house.

"PRINNY SQUAD! WE'RE HUNGRY! HURRY IT UP!" the voice of Etna shouted from the house's dining room.

"Hurry up before Lady Etna kicks us around again, dood!" one of the Prinnies shouted to the other gangs.

In a world-record attempt, the meal fit for a spoiled king was finished and the stuffed penguins' rushed out of the kitchen amass, bowling over the wizards and witches as they rush away towards the dining hall with plates, trays, and bowls filled with various foods, along with silver wear, champagne glasses, and a bottle of expensive wine. The only Prinny of a different color (pink) glances back into the kitchen.

"What should we do about the elf that tried to kick us out of the house?"

Its voice was distinctively female.

"Leave it to rot, Lily," one of the long-time servants of the Prinny Squad told the younger inexperienced Prinny, walking past with some orange-flavored Jell-O shaped like a bunt cake on a silver plate.

She decides to hurry up; tripping once, but quickly got back up and hurries to catch up with her fellow Prinny. The Prinnies have left behind a huge mess in the kitchen, and Kreacher face down in a pool of its own blood, a large knife stuck in its back and pushed through into the front. In the dining hall of Sirius Black's house, Etna and Lightning sat side-by-side, as they are served by the Prinny Squad. Food of whatever you can imagine laid a delectable spread of exoticness on the table. And on one end of the table was a fully-roasted pig on a spit!

"Delicious as always," said Lightning.

"Thank you, dood!" the entire Prinny Squad squawks.

"So, what are we going to do Etna dear? Considering we're in the human world, people will freak out seeing a girl with pointed ears, wings, and a tail."

She sighs, as the tip of her tail rises up.

"True. Although some humans may know about the underworld, they are mostly religious zealots, or that stupid group of humans that once followed Laharl around shouting about justice or some bull." Honesty she remembered their names, but at the moment did not feel like recalling them to the front of her memory.

"I can pass off as a human well if people don't take note of my sharply-shaped ears," Lightning said, gesturing to his ears; pointed at a long triangular tip, slightly longer in shape than Etna's ears. In most anime or gaming fandoms, we call them pointy elf ears.

"I believe you should hide your ears behind illusion magic. If I'm right about that old wizard man, he'll likely spout off nonsense about hiding our true forms."

Lightning nods, stabbing a piece of roast pork and bites into it.

Sirius peers into the dining room, where the two summoned demons were casually eating a spread of food that would likely be somewhat out of place at Hogwarts. There were common British dishes he could spy, as well as other dishes likely from America, or from foreign countries outside Europe.

They were polite in eating their meal, but at the same time they ate rather fast. Of course, they were hungry and have gone three days without any food. Having a steady source of food for their vassals to create a feast was lucky for them, even if summoned to the human world. With breakfast eventually finished, the Prinnies took all the empty dishes, utensils, and such away, but the couple continued to sip their wine glass.

"Okay, now what? We finally have food in our systems."

"Let's have a chat with the old man. I still need to know what exactly we have to do aside kill some freak they're afraid of."

"Why do that? You'll likely just cause untold amounts of destruction, babe."

Etna sneers. "That's true."

"So, see if those humans will call their master?"

"Why not? One of them have been eavesdropping on us this entire time," Etna answers.

Lightning darts his eyes towards the open door, where after a few seconds, one of the wizards revels himself. It was the man who fussed about his old human name... his old human common name. Lightning looks at the man, what was his name? Started with a star sign or something... oh, yes, Sirius. The Dog Star...

"Dog Star, what do you want?" Lightning asks of the human.

"Why Dog Star, Lightning?"

"What? We already have a vassal in our group called Sirius and I rather not confuse this human for our combat witch," he answers her.

Sirius (not the funny human we all know and love) was one of the vassals that Lightning created from his being when creating a new vassal to replace an old one that died (in such a humiliating way; arrow to the knee). But in some weird cosmic glitch or an extremely stroke of good luck, the vassal Lightning was hoping to create came out very strong.

And with his skills fueling her, she came even more powerful in just a few years. She was considered the Head Vassal of their combined group. And despite the fact she was a hikikomori, when she fights, many weaklings would either end up dead, or shit-pissing scared of her magical prowess. In many ways, you could say she was similar to some other human from another dimension named Patchouli Knowledge; she hates it when other vassals disrespect her property when entering her special haven, but would respect you if you respect her property.

"Oh. That would be true. Since we're here bound to these humans to do their bidding, Sirius would need to make sure our other vassals don't do something stupid while we're gone."

The last time their vassals did something stupid, it cost them quite a large sum of money for damage repairs to the Underworld City. Of course they raided Mid-Boss's castle to pay for the damages.

"Anyway, what do you want of us, Dog Star?" Lightning repeats his earlier question.

Sirius Black decides to ignore the nickname. "What are those things in the kitchen?"

"Prinnies," Etna answers, "They are the reincarnation of sinful humans' souls. Basically, when a human or half-human dies having lived a bad life, such as murder, theft, or all sorts of bad crimes, their souls are sewn into stuffed suits, and thus reborn as Prinnies. Most Prinnies are bad or evil souls, or rarely good souls that have performed an act of sin or acts of such dreadful deed that send them to the underworld."

"The newly created Prinny will serve as a soldier, slave, or servant in the Netherworld or Celestia until it has earned reincarnation, go through the Makai Ritual of the Red Moon, or they work all their sin away by other means. The money they earn in the Netherworld goes towards their reincarnation," Lightning further explains.

"They say Prinnies that work in Celestia have it easier than Netherworld Prinnies. Mostly, they're fun to kick around. They explode when you kick them around like footballs." The Prinnies in the vicinity cowered away upon hearing Etna's tell laugh of incoming Prinny abuse.

"Now, now... we can kick our servants around later, Etna dear. For now, Dog Star, I want to speak with your master, the old man with the colorful robes."

Sirius Black sputtered at being talked like he was... a servant. Well, in some layman's terms, the Order of the Phoenix follows Dumbledore like Death Eaters follow Voldemort...

"Professor Dumbledore is not my master," Sirius tells the two demons.

"But you and those other humans followed him as he summoned us, against our will mind you, thus you're the old man's servants or minions."

Sirius didn't know how to respond to that.

"I wonder how long until they realize they won't see Heaven when they die. Summoning demons for any sort of task basically damns your soul into Hell," Etna says in an off-comment manner. She then sips the rest of her drink.

"Bring the old man to us so we can talk to him on how to get rid of your Dark Lord problem. The sooner it's done, the sooner Etna and I can return back home and scar children with the bed creaking."

Etna smacks him over the head with her trusty spear.

"Don't say that aloud, baka," Etna chastised him with a glare.

"What? You know you want to fuck, Etna," he stated, in which the succubus looks away with a blush forming on her face. Ignoring the blushing glares he knew he was getting as he looks away from said devil girl, he says to Sirius Black, "Go and summon your master so we can chat, Dog Star. We'll be waiting here until then."

Giving Sirius the silent dismissal, Lightning returns to enjoying his glass of wine, ignoring the sputtering from the human wizard. But he soon gets up and walks off, likely to do what Lightning demanded: getting Albus Dumbledore.

They had to wait awhile, because an hour later, the dining table was cleared of everything else, and the two demons were now taking residence in the library of the home they were summoned to. Lightning had his music player with him and was playing some of his favorite JRock and JPop albums he collected from exploring the doorways leading to human worlds (particularly one world where Lightning's Vocaloid collection originated from).

Etna was holding up a jewel case containing a CD in it. "Your Amberoid album has so much worn use into it, Light."

"Hey, not my fault it's one of my most-played and favored albums in my music collection. Plus, it was either the Megurine Luka-centric BEAUTIFUL DREAMER album, or the Kagamine Rin-centric album Amberoid."

They were currently listening to the song BEAUTIFUL DREAMER off the album of the same title. Hey, it's a beautiful song...

Etna sighed. "You're the only demon in Laharl's Castle that listens to music from outside the Netherworld."

Lightning smirked.

"Yeah? I catch you listening to it, Etna."

"Only because of Flonne," she stated.

"That was a horrible lie, Etna dear..."

"Shut up."

Lightning chuckles, before glancing to the doors when he hears the wheels of the sliders creak. In steps the old wizard that lorded over the minions that summoned them.

"Well, the old man decides to grace us with his presence. You took your time."

"Well he IS an old man, Lightning," Etna tells her boyfriend.

"And how many times have lesser demons believed old age equals weakness, Etna?"

"Too many to count," she says, not particularly caring.

"Anyway, we have questions as to where and how we're supposed to find that Voldemort person your minions are so afraid to hear of," Lightning tells Dumbledore.

"And the sooner we do this, the sooner we can pack our things and go back home. So don't try and bullshit us, old man," Etna warns the old wizard.

Lightning places a calming hand on Etna's left knee, giving her a loving look. Lightning then looks to Dumbledore once more.

"So... how are we supposed to deal with your little Dark Lord problem?"

From here, anything could happen. Being summoned to perform whatever tasks these magicals want, they would have to follow or be forced to compel by the runes binding them to this servitude. But out of all the possible outcomes, Lightning and Etna never expected the old man to go this route.

"I wish for you two to enroll at the school I teach at," Dumbledore answers, taking out two parchment letters and setting them down upon the coffee table.

"... What?" Etna finally manages to sputter out.

Yeah... the devil couple was indeed stunned. They didn't expect this...

There HAS to be a catch, of course.

* * *

**And so... we get an interesting start to what sounds like an interesting tale. Frankly, I have been struggling along this for months, among my other plots and stories. I finished this one out and got this uploaded before I forgot it again.**

**Lately however I have been running down a string of bad luck. First my PlayStation 3's disc drive broke so I'm unable to explore the wonderful world of **_Final Fantasy X/X-2_ (the HD remaster; I'm still stuck in the beginning of the story at Besaid Village)**, then my ZEKI Android Tablet's screen broke on me so my favorite app games **_Ayakashi: Ghost Guild_**, **_Wind Runner_**, **_Darklord Legends_**, and **_Brave Frontier_** are inaccessible for me** (and I'm missing out on awesome events on Brave Frontier and Ayakashi)**.**

**I'm saving up money so I can at least replace my Android Tablet, because right now, getting a new PS3** (a 500 GB one)** is out of my price range** (also considering my current one is only 300 GB and I am down to only 25 GB left of HD space)**. As long as GameStop still have the PS3 500 GB Last of Us bundle, I can save yup cash towards the PS3 replacement.**

**But, battling writer's block, my recent string of bad luck, and my own real world events... I'm struggling to stay above the water, metaphorically. I just hope some people find this particular story interesting. And here's some information to Etna's lover.  
**

[:] Lightning [:]

**Age:** 1574  
**Height:** 172cm  
**Weight:** 50kg  
**Home:** A (secret) Luxury Condo in Underworld City, Laharl's Castle, Netherworld  
**Race:** Demon  
**Class:** Demon Swordsman/Vassal

[:] Equipment [:]

**Weapon:** Nightmare Moon  
**Weapon:** Luz de la Luna  
**Outfit:** Adventurer's Outfit  
**Accessory:** Bloody Bracelets

[:] Some Light-hearted Information [:]

Demon Swordsman Lightning was once an infant human in an unnamed Earth dimension named Harry Potter before one strike too many by a brute of a walrus-sized human ended his life (the humans would call his death tragic; he died at age two and a half). The (accidental) Horcrux of Dark Lord Voldemort that was stuck in his scar (which got his human parents murdered one dreadful night; you should know the story, dood) dragged him into hell.

Instead of being reborn a Prinny, he somehow was reborn as a demon. Sometime later growing up in the Netherworld, he encounters Etna and somehow befriends her. He is currently Etna's lover despite being one hundred years older than her. He was once the subject of a prophecy in the unnamed Earth dimension of whence he once belonged to before death, but when he kicked the bucket it no longer applied to him.

Lightning is the rank of S-class when wielding his favorite sword called _Nightmare Moon_, and ranks in A-class when switching to _Luz de la Luna_, his back-up weapon. He is B-class to mid A-class when using other weapons. His name Lightning comes from the fact that he is best in channeling Thunder-class magic, although he is also capable of producing interesting magical (and often colorful) spells.


	2. Chapter 2

**I Can't Believe Harry Potter's a Demon**

**Disclaimer:** The characters, world, and all things Disgaea is copyrighted to Nippon Ichi Software, Atlus USA, Inc., NIS America/Europe, and Square Enix. The world and all characters and things Harry Potter is copyrighted to author J.K Rowling. I don't own anything else mentioned in a crossover from anime/manga, video games, TV shows, music, movies, comics, and etcetera. All I own is any original characters in the Disgaea style of vassal creations, and this idea of a crossover story.

**Author's Note:** Another chapter done. I really should get to writing some of my other plots. Of course, life is very distracting, especially when problems within family spring up, like my sister's boyfriend yelling at my mother for an innocent mistake she made. Life's hard...

And if life's hard, so is finding a new internet provider as Mediacom's new rules for internet usage is burning away my money (not to mention I'm somehow using up the allotted usage of blocks of internet within a mere three days; I'm already warned that I'm at 75% usage of internet as of May 14, 2014).

Anyway, this next chapter seems to be a bit of filler, just breezing through to get two certain demons to a magical castle in the Scottish Highlands...

* * *

So in some strange and rather unorthodox way, Lightning and Etna find themselves being introduced to human teenagers whom were finally allowed to come to Dog Star's manor home, after of course their summoner asked them to hide their demon traits and "appear" human. Etna being a succubus could easily hide her wings and tail with a simple spell, as well as make her ears rounded. Lightning, having only long elf ears as a unique trait, used magic to make his ears also shrink down to human-sized ones. They also were now, through an elaborate storyline, foreign exchange students from Japan.

Lightning, having a quick wit and mind, spun the tale of the silk to their storyline presented to them beforehand by the old wizard. To the human teenagers, he was Lightning de Vallière, and the girl by him was his sister, Etna de Vallière; he was the elder sibling. Their fake last names sounded unexpectedly French for being Japanese magicals; however when this was pointed out by the girl named Hermione, Lightning merely stated that not all noble clans in Japan stuck to the stereotype. Their family have French blood in them after an ancestor in their family line married into a Japanese family, was Lightning's answer (lie) to it. Lightning was stared at a bit by the red-haired boy who appears to have the emotional range of a teaspoon due to the cross scar on his face.

So now they are students of a magic school, and even though Etna knew the plump red-haired woman was shooting them looks because of their hidden nature behind the children's backs, they were being forced into this charade. And the adults that knew of their true nature would have to keep silent lest they upset the children. At least Lightning was taking to this well with his calmer personality, and preventing her from doing something stupid... like blowing up the entire house.

"De Vallière? Really, Lightning?"

"What? It sounded like an interesting name to use."

Etna smirked, wrapping her arms around his torso, and pressing herself against his back. They were back in their shared room of Dog Star's manor. The Prinny Squad was dismissed so they would not be revealed to the human children, on a command beforehand from the old wizard.

"And why make us siblings? Looking to play the incest role?"

"Oh please... you're going to have so much fun with that angle, especially when you flirt with me in public in front of the human children," Lightning tells Etna.

"You may have a calm personality when it comes to cover stories, but you're a very devious devil deep inside." Not to mention one hell of a smooth talker.

Lightning's once calm smile turned to a slightly mad one, as Etna can see it reflected in the bone-decorated mirror hung on the wall. It was that one smile that Lightning would give when "very happy". Judging by his tones, Lightning was going to have as much fun as her when it comes to causing chaos. Yes, Discord must be happy right now for no reason whatsoever...

"So, _sis_," he stressed the identity, "wanna make out?"

And she smacks him on the head, hard. "You disgusting pervert."

Lightning's laugh was wondrous to her ears. Then those laughs fade once Lightning manages to pull her around into his lap, and claim her lips with a delightful kiss. You gotta love privacy spells, so no eavesdropper can hear this conversation, or the raunchy adult action that eventually followed from the kiss.

=0=0=0=0=

Apparently, the month of August went off without many other hiccups, aside from the day when Lightning and Etna went shopping with the Weasley Clan and the other two human teenagers, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. Like the part of their experience inside a wizard's shopping locale, when Lightning and Etna both encountered goblins running the magicals' bank. Then again, most goblins tend to take employs in the Netherworld as bank tellers and such; greedy little freaks were often good when it comes to monetary values when they're not feral war-abiding buggers.

I won't go into much details about what happened at Gringotts, but let's just say the goblins knew who Etna and Lightning were, and caused a minor scene serving them as if they were royalty. Rather funny when you think about it, but wholly confusing to the magicals that were witness to this. Likely, they may have known the two were the head vassals of Laharl. Anyway, the month passed without much more fanfare, other than Dumbledore making hidden visits to confirm their stories as exchange students, and regarding their initial task of defeating Voldemort. But, that one catch from before was that they're going to Hogwarts is to eventually protect the students when Voldemort was brave enough to launch a siege upon his school.

Today, they were with the family that put up with them, and Lightning can see in the Molly woman's eyes a sense of glad she no longer had to put up with them. Likely because he was a demon she was acting much like a religious person viewing an object that most humans would depict as evil. But that was one funny morning on the other hand; watching the red-headed family run about getting the kids up, packing stuff up in their wizarding storage trunks, animals such as a cat and owls put in cages, and then hurrying off into downtown London to reach the train station and accessing some hidden magical train depot.

Lightning and Etna sat together in the last of the train carts upon being told how to access Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

"I am bored... and I hate wearing these clothes. I feel like Flonne's dress-up doll," the disguised succubus complained.

Lightning lowers the book he was reading, eyes peering across the short distance to the girl sitting in front of him. Etna couldn't "dress" in her normal clothes, something about being called a scarlet by the Molly woman. To shut her up, Lightning managed to devise an outfit after sending Prinnies to return with an appropriate human school uniform. Etna was now wearing a white long-sleeved, button-down shirt with a black ribbon on her shirt collar worn under a black shoulder cape and a matching button-down corset, a magenta skirt with white accents, and brown dress shoes over white knee-length socks. Of course she still took to wearing suggestive lingerie underneath.

"I dunno, Etna dear... I kinda like how you're dressed."

Etna gave him a sneer. "You are such a schoolgirl fetish pervert."

"I'm your pervert, Etna."

A laugh threatened to escape her; she can't deny that. Of course, Lightning too looked marvelous in his school uniform not unlike that of Hogwarts traditional clothing. This outfit consists of a black blazer with a tinge of grey with white accents over a white long-sleeved dress shirt with black highlights, a black ribbon on the collar, matching black pants, and green-white sneakers. The dress shirt and blazer were unbuttoned; revealing that underneath Lightning wore a green t-shirt.

Then again, neither "foreign exchange students" wore the traditional Hogwarts school uniform. This was something Lightning managed to get the old wizard to agree on what they could wear if they were going to be forced to attend his magic school.

"So, we're being forced to attend a magic school, using the cover as siblings attending a foreign school for the cultural experience. And from what the old wizard kept hinting, his school sounded like a prize for that Dark Lord bastard."

"No doubt the old man was very adamant in the protection of his students. Still, he better understand what he's asking of us. I just know this whole experience is going to be a very long endurance."

Etna sighs, glancing out the window. The train has yet to depart and there were families bidding their children adieu.

"Behind that old grandfatherly exterior lies a shrewd of a man capable of manipulation. He's going to ask us of more things sooner or later. But I doubt he'll fully understand of the shit storm he'll get in the face once the ball officially drops."

Lightning then returned to reading his light novel. Just as silence would fully descend upon their cabin, the door opens, and Etna glances upward to see the teenagers from Dog Star's manor entering. What were their names again?

"Hello Etna. May we sit here?" Hermione asks politely.

"Whatever," she says with an air of dismissal.

Lightning lowers the book again. "Now, now, sis, no need to be rude, okay?" Etna gave Lightning the middle finger as a reply. "Forgive Etna; she's just bored at the moment."

"It's okay," said Hermione, a bit put-off by the girl's rudeness.

Hermione, Neville, and Ron enter the compartment and put their things away. One of the cages rattled, containing a hyperactive owl.

"So, is this the uniform you wear from your school?" Hermione questions Lightning.

"Yes. This is the traditional Kuoh Academy student uniform," he explains. "Considering its cooler here in Europe than Japan, we're wearing the Autumn/Winter variant of the uniform. We requested to your school's Headmaster if we would be allowed to wear our school's uniform while attending Hogwarts for the year. He believed it would be an interesting experience for the students to see how clothing differed from another country. I believe he made mention about a visit from two other magic schools in 1994."

"Yes, when Hogwarts was the host for the Tri-Wizard Tournament."

"Never heard of it," Lightning stated when he heard the tournament's name. "Must be a European thing..."

There was a bit of silence. The train whistle blows and the train cars all jolt briefly, signaling that it was departing. Soon, the train was leaving the platform, heading off towards its destination. Glancing out the window and seeing the train station soon disappearing from view, Lightning folds one corner of the page he was at in the novel before closing it.

He heard a noise. It came from Hermione.

Etna noticed, too, as she asks, "What's with her?"

"Dunno, Etna," Lightning replied.

"You folded a page in that book," Hermione said, in a tone of horror.

Lightning and Etna look at one another, before they look back to the bushy-haired girl.

"What's wrong with you? So I tabbed my place in my light novel."

"But you shouldn't damage books like that," Hermione exclaims.

"Bibliophile," Etna muttered. Hermione looked scandalized hearing that word. Lightning sighed.

"Great. She's ALMOST like our friend Sirius. Wasn't she fiercely protective of her library, Etna?"

"Yup. And Siri would kick the ass of anyone who would tarnish her books," Etna stated. "Of course she didn't freak out when it comes to pages being creased or some crap. Sure, she'll give you a look or two, but largely ignore it. This girl however freaked out when you tabbed your page. I told you, Light, one day you'll come across someone worse than Siri."

"Hey, I thought you were joking when you said that, Etna!"

The two boys with Hermione looked smart at the moment as they wisely looked away and were playing... chess? Maybe the boys had to deal with their female friend's book worship on a daily basis or something. And poor Hermione had no earthly idea on how to disprove she did NOT have a sexual attraction towards books.

But a relative silence drifted in that compartment, with Hermione having left telling her friends she had a Prefect's Meeting to attend (whatever a Prefect was), the boys contend on playing their Wizards Chess (chess with animated magic pieces, Etna pointed out to Lightning), and the De Vallière siblings keeping to their own spot in the train car. About an hour into the travel, where the scenery outside the windows depicted the rolling countryside of the Scottish hills, the door is heard opening up.

Lightning and Etna are the first to look up, and see a bleach blond-haired boy flanked by two thuggish looking humans (Etna was reminded of trolls). The way the blond doofus sneered, possessing an arrogant swagger, sent signals out to anyone who looked at him, Hey, I'm better than you! Deal with it!

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?"

"I was surprised when I didn't see you Weasel at the Prefect Meeting. Looks like that muggle-loving fool Dumbledore got a new Prefect for Gryffindork," the boy arrogantly taunted the redhead. Etna and Lightning can see the boy's taunts were easily crushing the boys' defenses, as said redhead was giving into his anger. The other boy, Neville, was holding Ron back, even though Weasley was holding out his wand.

"Who the fuck is this douche bag?" Lightning said aloud.

That caught the blond's attention, as the boy casts a glare at Lightning and Etna.

"Mudbloods," the boy said with disgust.

Etna noticed Lightning shift in posture, before her (on-screen) brother stood from his seat.

"You must be a Pureblood, then. A European one, at that. I was warned by mother and father to not make nice with the Purebloods of Europe as they believe themselves superior to all else outside their own comfort zones, especially Purebloods of foreign countries... like I and my sister."

If there was one thing about Lightning, it's that he's one hell of an actor. An actor, and a researcher, having read the books in Dog Star's manor, and beforehand having some Prinnies do some spying for them and not get caught doing so.

"The fact you would so casually spout off the racial slur your own _type_ create to disregard magical-born humans as less than human only proves how _inbred_ and _pathetic_ your clans truly are," Lightning adds on, knowing how his sharp words were cutting into the arrogant human. Then again, most humans, most demons, angels, and other species are arrogant in their own beliefs, regardless of dimension.

Draco was seething. Who the bloody hell was this mudblood saying to him, a Pureblood from a noble family. The moment Draco Malfoy made the motion of drawing his wand to curse this foreigner (Draco determined him to be a foreigner due to the wordings he used), he received a harsh blow to the stomach. Lightning's shoe-clad foot was buried painfully into his stomach, a wheezing cough, a painful one, was exhaled from the boy. Then that same foot makes forth a shoving motion and he's tossed onto his ass, bowling over his two brutish friends.

"Something tells me that you wouldn't care about pureblood families outside Europe, therefore I should warn you now little boy: piss me and my sister off and we'll ruin you. My name is Lightning de Vallière, and the girl with the smile at your discomfort and pain is Etna de Vallière. We are honored guests at Hogwarts for the year after Headmaster Albus Dumbledore invited us as exchange students, a swap of cultures, he states."

"You may delude yourself as untouchable, but that mindset will get you killed if you were in another country. So, take your boyfriends, and go fuck off," Etna tells Malfoy.

"When my father," Draco coughs here, "hears about this..."

"Oh look. We got a daddy's boy. He probably can't do anything independent without resorting to crying to his papa."

"He's British, and pure of blood, for that matter, Lightning. We were warned most purebloods are arrogant shits."

Etna casts a glare upon the three humans on the ground, as she pulls out a snake-designed dagger from her back pocket. "Get out, and hope we don't cross paths again."

Seeing the silver and gold-plated dagger, the hulking trolls have the common sense to listen to their instincts and leave, pulling their friend with them. Lightning made a slamming motion with his hand, and the door slams shut. Wandless magic...

"Malfoy... Malfoy... Where have I heard that name before, Etna?"

"They're originally French aristocrats before they left France after dishonoring themselves, and the ancestors used their wealth to buy their nobility in Britain," Etna answers. She got this information from a Prinny days ago when one of the spies returned. "Or so the story goes."

"Whether he's descended from French former nobility or not, I don't care anyway. I see that idiot again, I'm breaking his teeth."

"Now, now, we promised not to cause too much trouble while we're doing this foreign exchange student business," Etna reminded Lightning.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I won't allow idiots to trample on me just because we're foreign to their school," Lightning tells Etna, sitting back down. Etna joins him.

And of course, they shouldn't cause too much chaotic trouble while going to the old wizard's school. They still believed the old man wanted them to be used in something else other than their initial task of finding and killing Voldemort.

"I can't wait for this train ride to end. I'm already bored."

"And seeing me kick an arrogant idiot down didn't excite you, sis?"

Etna flips him off. "I rather shove a spear in his chest."

Lightning snickered, opening his novel and resumes reading. Maybe getting lost in a fictional world would help pass the time. All the while, they ignored the stunned looks they got from Ron and Neville, even after Hermione returned after helping a second year student find a missing book.

=0=0=0=0=

Albus Dumbledore sets down the quill he was using, and rubs his wrist a bit. Even as an old but powerful wizard, the pains of arthritis were still a bother.

He hears a knock at the door, before the person knocking lets himself in. It was Severus Snape.

"Albus, are you positively mad? You're letting two demons inside a school full of brats," the head of House Slytherin shouted at Dumbledore.

"I am aware of it, Severus," Dumbledore answers calmly.

"Then why?" he stressed out.

"Because here, I can keep a better eye on the two demons so they do not do anything if I am not within eyesight. Even if they were summoned to perform the task set out by the contract, they are still silver-tongued creatures of sin, able to twist words to suit their needs."

"Like you?" Severus couldn't help but jab at Dumbledore's manipulations from time to time.

Dumbledore ignored this.

"Mark my words, Albus, you're making a mistake letting those two creatures in the school," he warns.

"Do not worry. I have everything under control. The sooner they defeat Voldemort, the sooner we can banish them back to whatever realm they resided in."

"Obviously because your prophecy is now moot point..."

Another jab, one that Dumbledore felt but again he ignored.

"Is there anything else?"

Severus shook his head in a negative response, seeing himself out of the office. Dumbledore sighs wearily. Time and again, Severus would point out in subtle ways how he failed to protect Lily and her son, never mentioning James. School yard rivals kept the man incensed and bitter after one mistake, one slur against someone who didn't deserve it, ruined a friendship many years ago and caused that woman to drift to a man Severus held a grudge against. Fawkes, the phoenix that hangs in the office, trills softly to the old wizard.

"I better get these finished before the students arrive," he says with a jovial chuckle. He picks up the quill and resumes writing again.

A train ride later, the students of Hogwarts reached the destination, a train station near a wizard village called Hogsmeade (Hermione told Lightning and Etna this after she went off to change into her school robes). The first years, the newbies, were hustled off towards a large fat giant of a human with a lantern, while the older students went to carriages pulled by skeletal-like bat-winged horses.

"Huh, so this world has Thestrals," Lightning surmised, seeing the famed Horse of Death, multiple Thestral, two per cart.

"Looks like the majority of these humans can't see them," Etna pointed out, as many of the older students going to the carriages never took note of the beasts that actually pulled them. "Fifty bucks these kids believe its magic that pulls the carriages and not demon horses."

"That's a sucker bet," Lightning said, making Etna stick her tongue out at him.

"Aye, there ya are," the giant's voice rumbled at them, as the man walked up to the two demons. "I was told by Professor Dumbledore ter escort you two ter the castle with the rest of the 'irst years, granted yer only here fer a year of educational exchange an' such."

His accent is really tough to write, in case any reader was wondering. Then again, most writers tend to write perfect English, but picture Hagrid's voice as they read his lines.

"And you are?"

"The Groundskeeper of Hogwarts, Rubeus Hagrid. C'mon, we shouldn't be late. Got to get the 'irst years to the boats by the lake."

The two devils glance at one another, but decide to follow. This giant likely doesn't know who he really was talking to: demons, and not human.

Therefore, being the only two older "kids" amongst a group of snot-nosed youngsters, they stuck to the back as the man, Hagrid, led them all down a dark path through the woods, until they reached a clearing of a lake, where many boats await them.

"Now, no more than four to a boat. Hurry up."

The kids climb into boats, some sticking with friends, other just getting into whatever boat was closest to their position. Etna and Lightning were stared at by two kids, both of them likely what old man Dumbledore would call muggleborn.

"Is this your first time hearing about magic?" one of the boys ask.

Etna was about to respond with a scathing comment, but Lightning grabs her hand and holds down on it, shooting her a look: Don't make a scene that ends with an explosion.

"We're foreign exchange students attending this magic school for one year, and then we return home, kid," Lightning answers in place of Etna, even though the girl was glaring at him. Being told if they were newbies in magic. An insult...

The boats propel themselves forward once everyone was in a boat, Hagrid in one by his lonesome, and ahead of the pack. They glided smoothly and quietly along the water, the gentle cascade of the ripples being the only ambient sound aside nature, of course. It was when they reached further into the lake did all the first years get their first glimpse of Hogwarts. It was a very beautiful sight to behold on this star-lit night, with few clouds in the night sky, full moon shining brightly, with the various towers and turrets a glittery sight. Easily, this would enrapture and excite the young innocent minds of the kids in the boats, as excited whispers were now audible amongst their young peers.

For Lightning and Etna, on the other hand, it was nothing special. They have seen many castles in the Netherworld, most of them tacky and wild in design and architect. Few castles hold similar brilliance (admittedly) like the castle ahead of them as they glide across the lake. In retrospect, Hogwarts was no more beautiful than the aptly-named Beauty Castle. Of course, unlike Beauty Castle, this castle likely doesn't hold ghosts, poltergeists, or monsters of various classes held under vassalage to a ruler.

Hm... Those sound like famous last words before a cliché punch line gets set-up...

The boats soon enter a grove under the castle, where they reach a shoreline and all students get out and follow Hagrid up a flight of stairs to a door, where upon opening reveals an old woman.

"The first years and two of Professor Dumbledore's guests, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you Hagrid. Children, please follow me," the old woman, named McGonagall, asks. The kids follow the woman, and Lightning and Etna remain in the back of the line, keeping together.

"Hmm... this place doesn't look too tacky. Although the portraits are moving..."

"Magic," was the cliché answer from Lightning.

The woman from Dog Star's house, McGonagall, ignored the two demons as she led the wizard children through a hallway, and soon up a flight of stairs leading to the Great Hall. Once at the destination, she turned and tells the children to remain here for a moment before heading off, also informing them to make sure they were presentable; some children had their clothing looking a bit sloppy or ill-prepared or such. When the woman vanished through an adjacent doorway, the kids got spooked when ghosts melted out of the walls, chatting jovially.

But the moment the ghosts noticed Lightning and Etna, the spirits went dead silent.

In response, Lightning and Etna flash evil smiles before the kids turn to stare at what the ghosts stared at.

The ghosts all cried demon and fled in terror. This did not bode well for the children, all whom were now panicking at what the ghosts screamed out. This chaos was what introduced itself to Minerva when the woman returned.

"What is going on here?" she asks.

"The ghosts cried demon and scared the little ones. Quite rude, if you ask me," said Etna, not particularly caring about it.

The woman casts a dark look briefly, figuring she was at fault. But the children shouldn't know about what she really was in nature, along with the male companion. She had voiced her displeasure to Albus about allowing the two creatures in the castle, but the old wizard objected, stating it would be better if they were within range of his detection. For the others outside the loop, Hogwarts would have two foreign exchange students participating in a program with one of their other magical communities outside Europe.

"All of you calm yourselves. Hogwarts is a safe environment, and none of us adults will let any harm befall you. If you all will form a single file line, follow me. As for Mr. and Miss De Vallière, I request you two remain here until after the Sorting when Headmaster Dumbledore introduces you to the school."

"Fine by us, old woman," said Etna.

Miffed, she composes herself and leads the kids away. Etna and Lightning remain outside, out of view of the students gathered at four different tables inside the large hall.

"So... how's that for some chaos?"

"Like I said, the old man better be aware of what he's doing asking us to attend his magic school. Knowing you, you'll see what makes this world's magic differ from what you use."

Lightning smiled. Yes, he was looking forward to this. After all, it's rare to find a human dimension where magic exists...

* * *

**Yes, I've inspired Etna and Lightning's non-Hogwarts uniforms from **_High School DxD_**. I've recently come across the anime so... yeah. Can you imagine Etna in the girl's uniform of Kuoh Academy? And also, how many are curious as to Dumbledore's true intentions with our summoned devil duo?**

**I did say there will be some light bashing of HP characters, but nothing that is harsh or undeniably cruel; just enough of a bash that would be considered normal, as far as Disgaea goes. And finally, yes, do be on the lookout for certain name drops and cameos. It's not like anyone in the Wizarding World understands what Japanese anime is except maybe some muggleborns... or Luna Lovegood...**


End file.
